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Archive for March, 2007

As the final RAW before the WWE’s biggest PPV of the year, WrestleMania 23, last night’s show demonstrated just how ill-conceived the main events have been. Michaels taking out John Cena with his Sweet Chin Music move was about as predictable and anticlimactic as it comes.

Truth be told, Cena vs. Michaels just isn’t that interesting. Both Michaels and Cena are too over as faces and neither is getting any genuine heel heat. And Michaels is about 10 years too late in his career to be main eventing WrestleMania against Cena. Far more intriguing would have been to match up Cena against Edge, Orton or The Great Khali, but apparently Vinnie Mac and company decided to play it safe this year. Too safe. And that makes for an uninteresting WrestleMania.

Despite prodigious amounts of promotion, including bringing in Donald Trump to help lend WM23 some outside-of-wrestling star power, the Billionaire’s Hair Match seems to intrigue Vinnie Mac far more than it does the average RAW viewer, and again suffers from utter predictability: does anyone really believe Lashley will lose and that Trump would agree to be shaved bald? Vinnie Mac is a foregone conclusion as the bald billionaire. Yawn.

I could go on, but the rest of the WM23 undercard is just as boring and predictable. And we all know that, whatever happens, the better undercard matches will simply get a RAW, ECW or SmackDown “rematch” next week, anyway, and that Trump will appear for one more video conferencing cameo to gloat over a bald Vinnie Mac on next week’s RAW. What else is new? Certainly nothing coming up at WM23.

About the only way to save WM23 is to throw the fans a curve ball by encouraging Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to come out of “wrestling retirement” to make a surprise guest appearance and grab the WWE title away from Cena after Cena defeats Michaels, as part of what could be perhaps a six-month return that would climax with The Rock as a heel champ surrendering the title back to Cena at SummerSlam so he can go make movies again.

Of course, the likelihood of that is about equal to a “living and dead” reunion of The Beatles at WM23.

As much of a Mick Foley fan as I am, I was relieved during last week’s WWE Raw to find out that Foley was a swerve and that the real guest referee for the “Battle of the Billionaires” is Stone Cold Steve Austin. It’s always good to see Stone Cold in the ring, even if his main eventing, title holding days are well behind him.

I must admit, though, that despite it being corny and predictable and silly, without the Battle of the Billionaires angle, the WrestleMania 23 match between ECW Champ Bobby Lashley and big-man Umaga would be such a snorefest match, it could be sponsored by any company that makes sleeper sofas. With the angle, it’s more interesting if only because we all know there’s no way Donald Trump would ever agree to be part of something where he’d get his head shaved, so it’ll be a hoot to tune in and watch Trump shave McMahon bald.

Even after all these years of playing the evil owner, Vince McMahon still knows what it means to, “give the people what they want.” And if Vince complains about being bald, we all know Stone Cold will be there to deliver the final insult: a Stone Cold stunner!

As their limited-run reunion recently proved, the WWE’s top tag-team assets are four wrestlers who are still with the company but haven’t been wrestling as tag teams in quite a while.

Mercury, Nitro and Melina (MNM) were one of the top “rising star” tag teams until nearly a year ago, when Joey Mercury was suspended, forcing the team to break up. But Mercury’s been back for months now and remains on Smackdown while Nitro and Melina are on Raw. It makes no sense.

Then there’s Matt and Jeff Hardy. Both are electrifying individually, but as a tag-team, they’re magic and other than that limited engagement over the holidays, where they Hardys were reunited for a feud with MNM. It made for some of the most watchable tag-team action to come out of WWE in ages.

Yet in both cases, WWE continues to keep both MNM and the Hardys completing individually, rather than as tag teams. Without those teams active, Raw is forced to trade their tag titles between unlikely pairings like Team Rated RKO, as well as the John Cena/Shawn Michaels pairing. All four would be better off in the singles division, but at teams they make for good matches.

SmackDown is in far worse shape, being forced to promote the uninspiring Brian Kendrick and Paul London team that absolutely no one watches. In fact, I’d rather chill in Orlando villas than watching their matches.

Give it up already, VinnieMac! Reunite MNM and the Hardys on a permanent basis already, and make your tag divisions respectable again!

Even though WWE is doing everything right in terms of promoting their new ECW champion, Bobby Lashley, it has to be said: Lashley as champion is about as exciting as butter on toast.

It’s not Lashley’s fault, per se. He’s just not that electrifying a personality. At least not yet. At the moment, he’s just a generic champion with nothing that makes him stand out. Which makes his championship reign pretty unappetizing. So unappetizing you’d think someone has slipped a dose of Tenuate into your evening meal.

Now, Lashley can wrestle a solid match and his victory at December to Dismember was the capper to a great elimination chamber match. And his ring work has been solid since taking the title. But without a more electrifying personality, he’ll go down in history as one of the less interesting ECW champions ever.

Personally, I think the belt would be far more intriguing wrapped around the waist of C.M. Punk or Elijah Burke. Lashley needs more of an on-screen character to really get over, and having the belt taken out of his hands via nefarious means and having him feud with the new title holder would be a step in the right direction.

Bafflingly, Umaga is still getting a bigger push from WWE than The Great Khali. I mean, both are monster-sized heels, but considering neither are very good on the mic, the best way to compare them is by their physical presence.

Bottom line: Khali is more impressive in every way. He offers WWE something they haven’t had in a while; a guy who, by his very appearance, really can be believable as an unstoppable force.

Umaga, by comparison, may be heavier, but he’s also shorter and looks like someone who needs to be on a fat burner medication.

While it’s a waste of talent either way, the “battle of the billionaires” between McMahon and Trump would be a lot more unpredictable if Vince’s representative was the Great Khali, not Umaga.