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Archive for January, 2007

A couple weeks ago, Vince McMahon took advantage of the current feud between Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell by promising an in-ring showdown between the two on Monday Night RAW. The broadcast, which featured wrestlers who were impersonating both celebrities in unflattering ways, was denounced by the usual suspects as tasteless, tacky and cruel.

More media sympathy seemed to center around RAW’s portrayal of Rosie than their portrayal of The Donald. Sure, it was tacky; WWE tends to be that way. It’s not news. So Rosie was portrayed as a bit oafish, food-obsessed and foul-mouthed. Umm… how far off from reality is that? It’s not like they put her in a diaper and had her rocking in an Emily crib.

As for the Donald, they portrayed him as egotistical, oafish and a toupee-wearing blowhard. Again, how far off from reality is that?

Sure, it was tasteless; sure, it was tacky. What do you expect from WWE? It’s what they do. The real question is, when are the real Rosie and Donald gonna shut up, stop sniping at each other and act like adults? Then there’d be nothing for RAW to make fun of.

We’re in mid-January and ought to be in the middle of WWE’s annual build-up to their top PPV of the year, WrestleMania. But the current “main title” storyline on WWE Raw is simply uninspiring. Pitting an energetic champion like John Cena against a boring and uninspiring brute like Umaga is so boring, the audience may need energy pills just to survive an episode of Raw, let alone a PPV.

I understand the thrust of the storyline, pitting Cena against a man who, physically, should completely dominate him. It’s basically a redo of the classic WrestleMania III, Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant idea. But I really hope this push for Umaga isn’t the best thing WWE has up their sleeves for WrestleMania.

It comes to this: Umaga isn’t that imposing and he’s certainly not a charismatic heel. Sure, he’s big, but I think Viscera should be an object lesson that not all big men work out. (Let’s stop kicking the semi-retired Big Show while he’s inactive, after all.)

Here’s how Vinny Mac and company can save WrestleMania, and a recent Raw suggests it’s a possibility: Inject The Great Khali into the feud, with an eye toward a triple-threat match at WrestleMania between Cena vs. Umaga vs. The Great Khali.

That would really up the ante for Cena and make it seem completely impossible for him to pull off the victory. Cena versus two monsters? That would be intriguing.

Plus, WWE has never had a talent the likes of The Great Khali. He’s taller and leaner than Andre the Giant, and that makes him a much more imposing opponent. And with Daivari as his manager, it’s basically a four-on-Cena storyline. Finding a way for Cena to credibly win against those odds would truly make for a memorable WrestleMania main event. Get it done, Vince!

As a result of an actual injury at the New Year’s Revolution PPV, Triple H recently underwent surgery to reattach a tendon on his knee. The surgery will keep The Game out of the ring for 4-6 months, meaning he definitely won’t be around for WrestleMania in April.

All I can say is, thank goodness. Sure, it’s easy to nitpick at a wrestler who’s been overpushed as much as the Cerebral Assassin, but let’s be honest: the whole DX Reunion thing has been a bust. And while it may be the fault of bad booking, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s been a big, giant headache that requires the use of Fioricet or something similarly potent.

After all, DX’s first big feud that lasted WAY too long was with – the Spirit Squad? The annoying Team of Five simply hadn’t been built up nearly enough to merit such a long-standing feud with Michaels and Helmsley, and really robbed heat from DX more than it built up the Squad members.

Launching off that into a feud with Team Rated-RKO was a legit feud that was finally launching Michael and Helmsley back into the legit ranks, but frankly the feud’s credibility was a stretch after such a long feud with the McMahon Family and the Spirit Squad. Linking Squad holdover Kenny Dykstra to the feud didn’t help.

Frankly, the main reason the DX reunion doesn’t work anymore is that while Michaels and Helmsley are the biggest stars to emerge from the original DX faction, the original DX had a lot more to offer than just Michaels and Helmsley. Now, I’m not saying that WWE should have found a way to reunite the two DX vets with Road Dogg, X-Pac, Mister Ass and Chyna; that would only guarantee the DX reunion a failure.

What I am saying is, reforming DX should be as much about promoting promising new talent as it is about re-establishing the careers of the aging Michaels and Helmsley. I mean, sure, there’d have to be some heel-face turns to make it happen, but wouldn’t a new DX have been much more interesting if it had Michaels and Helmsley at the head of a larger group of young talent who are the next generation of WWE superstars?

Just going off the available WWE roster, here’s my Dream DX team: Shawn Michael, Triple H, Johnny Nitro, Melina, Joey Mercury and Carlito. Sure, one could maybe put together an even better roster if one were to scalp more talent from SmackDown and ECW, but with a core like this, it would lend legitimacy to the younger talent and make for more interesting booking.

In the final analysis, though, I think moving DX forward requires waiting until The Game returns, and then turning Triple-H heel. Helmsley has always worked better as the WWE’s hardcore heel, and if one were to play up the reunion of Michaels and Helmsley, then have Triple-H betray him, you could have that be the catalyst for a DX split where Michaels headlines a “good” DX faction, while Helmsley headlines a “heel” DX faction, and thus promote even more young talent.

If that were the case, here’s my suggested DX factions, based off current roster talent:

DX-Face:

Shawn Michaels
Cryme Tyme
Carlito
Mickie James
Charlie Haas

DX-Heel

Triple-H
Mercury, Nitro and Melina (MNM)
Shelton Benjamin
Kenny Dykstra

Welcome to my pro wrestling blog. There’s one thing I want to address right away.

For a long time, folks who follow pro wrestling have been longing for the return of semi- to fully-retired grapplers like Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and even Chris Jericho to light a fire under WWE fans and send the popularity of sports entertainment back into its late-90s/early 2000 stratosphere.

None of that is going to happen. Foley is the most likely to return in a limited role, but even that’s a longshot. Instead, though, something better has happened. A new generation of WWE superstars are showing real promise.

The young talents I am highest on are still gaining momentum. On the RAW brand, I think Edge is close to being major-league and so is Randy Orton. Carlito is a good comic wrestler who’s showing the potential for a bit more. On ECW, CM Punk is the hottest thing going. And one SmackDown, some of the most entertaining moments of the past year have come from Mr. Kennedy and MVP.

But right now, WWE has one bankable superstar who, despite a longterm push that alienated some, has finally put him where he belongs … John Cena finally deserves to stand in the same spotlight of bankable WWE superstars as Austin, The Rock and Hulk Hogan. He’s up there with what Triple H and the Undertaker were in there prime.

Cena is a solid talent, and he’s often the best and sometimes only reason to watch RAW. It’s nice to see a longterm project like Cena finally arrive. Well done, WWE!